When to give up on a spouse

Discussion in 'Barefoot & Minimalist Running' started by Agnesd, Oct 2, 2012.

  1. Agnesd

    Agnesd Barefooters
    1. Washington

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    My husband just told me the minimalist Altas are causing him the pain behind his foot. I just tried to tell him that he's going back and forth between shoes but he says he's been wearing sandals for 3 weeks. He wears his regular Brooks to the gym, work, and sometimes just out shopping, hiking boots on the trail, wearing flip flops and Birkenstocks the rest of the time, and sometimes wears his Altas.

    When I try to talk to him about it, he rolls his eyes, cuts me off from saying anything else, and says "I don't want to hear it, I'm just telling you it's not working for me." He is the one who sought out the minimalist shoes in the first place, I wasn't even the one who suggested it. I'm just so frustrated, he was so close to giving it a go.

    I know what the answer is ... Just give up, right? What can I do? He seemed so interested, but now won't take any advice about transitioning. I've emailed him links to info, videos, trying to get him to do his own research. He certainly won't listen to me.

    If he stopped complaining about his injuries and issues, I could just forget about it. But he's always commented on his injuries, even before the minimalist shoes. What would you guys do? Give up? Hide all their high heeled supportive shoes? Help!!! =(
     
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  2. Barefoot Dama

    Barefoot Dama Barefooters
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    Just say, honey sorry to hear about your pain and I really wish I could help you finding the source of the problem but you're just going to figure it out on your own. And don't mention anything about BF/minimalist, nothing.
    And everytime he complains just say sorry. Eventually he'll get the message.
    He should know by now that going back and forth in his footwear choices doesn't work.
     

  3. Last Place Jason

    Last Place Jason Barefooters
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    Time for the big D. :)
     

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  4. NickW

    NickW Guest

    +1
     
  5. rbondi

    rbondi Barefooters
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    You are the last person he wants to hear about it from. I have tried to get my wife on board regarding other health issues. When she finally heard it from a trusted third party 15 years later, then she acknowledged that I was right all along. I hope the right third party person shows up for you a little sooner.
     
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  6. NickW

    NickW Guest

    This! My wife was like this in the gym. She asked me to show her stuff and asked my advice and then told me I was wrong and got a personal trainer, who then told her the exact thing I did which she then took as gospel... I had to make sure I pointed out to her that I said the same things and she admitted I was right. She still doesn't listen to me about things though. I think that's just part of having a significant other.
     
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  7. Last Place Jason

    Last Place Jason Barefooters
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    I had been teaching barefoot running clinics for over a year and had written a book, but my wife still ignored my running advice. She finally came around after reading Born to Run. Damn McDougall...
     

  8. PB Junkie

    PB Junkie Barefooters
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    Digression to marshmallow shoes? :D
     

  9. Agnesd

    Agnesd Barefooters
    1. Washington

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    I attempted to get a passive third party person (i.e. blog, book, video), but I guess he needs a real person or something. The funny thing is we were in Born to Run, the shoe store where he got the Altas, and in REI, and he was chatting with the sales people about minimalist shoes. He was so strongly agreeing that he never had foot or ankle problems when he was a surf bum, going barefoot and wearing flat unsupportive shoes. What happened to that guy? I want that guy back. Now I've got the "I'm not going to change anything" guy again. I think this is just part of having a significant other.

    Perhaps I should drop a copy of Born to Run in his pack and see what happens. He'd probably use it start a fire...
     
  10. Barefoot Bone Rod

    Barefoot Bone Rod Barefooters
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    The first thing u mention is that the Altras are causing him pain behind his foot. So just return the Altras and get him something that does not cause him the pain. If ur hubby is like me, any shoes that chaffe me like that are unacceptable.

    BR
     
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  11. clawhammer72

    clawhammer72 Barefooters
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    Just keep running and getting more awesome and stay injury free. He's a guy and will eventually get competitive.
    But definitely, don't keep bugging him. :) Guys, including me, can be real d*cks, to their own detriment. If he complains, just say, "Huh, that sucks. I'm sure you'll figure it out." :rolleyes:
     
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  12. JosephTree

    JosephTree Barefooters
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    I just went the alternative route and got another SO.
     
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  13. Agnesd

    Agnesd Barefooters
    1. Washington

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    Yeah, that's what I'm down to saying now. If I just say, "Oh, I'm sorry." He looks at me like I should have more input. If I give more input, I get the dreaded sigh and eye roll. What's a girl to do?

    I like your answer, "Huh, that sucks. I'm sure you'll figure it out." :rolleyes: But can I roll MY eyes at the end? :)
     
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  14. Sid

    Sid Barefooters

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    Clearly, he has a problem committing. Thus, you must do it for him and systematically replace each of his "regular" shoes with min-shoes. Best to assemble all of the min-shoes first, then replace all of the regular shoes in one fell swoop. Expensive, but how can one go wrong, especially when it's clearly done out of love?...

    And donate his old shoes, so that they won't be making a comeback!
     
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  15. Agnesd

    Agnesd Barefooters
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    Unfortunately, he is very particular about his shoes. I think he might notice. I sure wish I could though. If I had my way, he would come home and find a bunch of huaraches in place of each of his shoes. Maybe some Soft Star moccasins for colder weather, but that's it. Hehehe. =)
     
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  16. PatrickGSR94

    PatrickGSR94 Barefooters
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    I WISH I could just throw out all my shoes!
     
  17. migangelo

    migangelo Chapter Presidents
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    being a perpetual smart a$$ i would say "great lesson for the kids. give up when it gets tough even though you're so much closer than when you started."

    may not work and i'm sure will cause quite a bit of tension for a while but i feel sometimes you have to slap people in the face with their logic because they may not have thought everything through.

    when that doesn't work just kill him with kindness.
     

  18. Bare Lee

    Bare Lee Chapter Presidents
    1. Minnesota
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    Say something once, why say it again? Sometimes insisting just weakens the message.
     
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  19. Barefoot TJ

    Barefoot TJ Administrator
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    I gave up a long time ago.

    My advice, be an example.
     
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  20. rickwhitelaw

    rickwhitelaw Barefooters
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    Just back off for a while. He's going to see how well you are doing and how much fun you are having, not to mention kicking his butt hiking, and figure it out on his own. Dropping a few hints once in a while isn't going to hurt, but he is probably tired of all the barefoot talk (I know my spouse is).

    Now, if you are certain about wanting him to change, you can use your womanly magical powers and withhold certain benefits. He'll change in a hurry. Doesn't work the other way around, believe me, I've tried.
     
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