blisters, porta-potties, and heat strokes: And then there's the Other runs....

[skedaddle]

I was about fifteen miles into a run the other day, in the middle of nowhere when the runners trots struck.
I knew a few hundred yards ahead over a little hill was a little wooded area, perfect, so i relaxed only to find that over the hill was a walking party of about fifty or so all stopped to have a picnic. PANIIIC !!!!!! I was about to unleash the contents of my bowels amongst a load of pensioners munching on cucumber sandwiches and there was little I could do about it, by that stage I was at DEFCON 3.
If I'd have squeezed my butt cheeks any harder I think I would have turned inside out so I awkwardly made my retreat back down the hill waddling like a duck to try to find sanctuary for my ablutions.

 

[Darkand]

Oh my god, this whole thread just killed me laughing!! So good!
I've not had this issue (yet) but I tell you what, I'm packin a load of Kleenex in my backpack from here on in!!!!! Lol, brilliant read!!! Just brilliant!

 

[migangelo]

Darkand, bring a poop bag. that stuff stinks, bad.

Hobbit, you really have to ask? are McD's not real prevalent there?

 

[Barefoot Dama]

I was about fifteen miles into a run the other day, in the middle of nowhere when the runners trots struck.
I knew a few hundred yards ahead over a little hill was a little wooded area, perfect, so i relaxed only to find that over the hill was a walking party of about fifty or so all stopped to have a picnic. PANIIIC !!!!!! I was about to unleash the contents of my bowels amongst a load of pensioners munching on cucumber sandwiches and there was little I could do about it, by that stage I was at DEFCON 3.
If I'd have squeezed my butt cheeks any harder I think I would have turned inside out so I awkwardly made my retreat back down the hill waddling like a duck to try to find sanctuary for my ablutions.

 

[Ahcuah]

I do wonder sometimes why it is that healthy cats, dogs, horses, sheep, deer and so on don't need to wipe their behinds (they stay clean) and we humans usually have this need.
Are we doing something wrong?

It's because we walk upright.

Stay with me here . . .

As part of converting to upright walking (and running) we developed these large, fleshy muscular buttocks. If you look at the rumps of most other animals, they are mostly flat. But we have that huge chasm that stuff can get caught in. And it does.

I suspect we also wipe our rears because . . . well, we can. We have hands.

[Note: although I wrote the above as if it were definite, it's really just speculation. But it reads better as gospel. ]

 

[Barefoot TJ]

Dr. Oz said that a human turd needs to be soft and long, hence the need for wiping. Just sharin'.

 

[Barefoot TJ]

For stuff that gets caught and hangs there drying...well, that's called dingle berries.

 

[Ahcuah]

New internet rule: 50% of all conversations on the internet eventually devolve into a discussion of boobs or poop.

 

[migangelo]

that's not new. everyday conversation topics for me. i honestly don't understand why some people have a problem talking about poop. no problem talking about food, which is poop in the making, but poop itself? that's disgusting. don't get it. they must have problems going. them once or twice a weekers, if that.

 

[scedastic]

It's because we walk upright.

Stay with me here . . .

As part of converting to upright walking (and running) we developed these large, fleshy muscular buttocks. If you look at the rumps of most other animals, they are mostly flat. But we have that huge chasm that stuff can get caught in. And it does.

I suspect we also wipe our rears because . . . well, we can. We have hands.

[Note: although I wrote the above as if it were definite, it's really just speculation. But it reads better as gospel. ]

never thought of it that way, but what a revelation. why isn't science addressing this?

 

[JosephTree]

I do wonder sometimes why it is that healthy cats, dogs, horses, sheep, deer and so on don't need to wipe their behinds (they stay clean) and we humans usually have this need.
Are we doing something wrong?

Mdme. Hobbitt, it's a matter of flexibility or tongue length, I'm afraid.

 

[skedaddle]

I do wonder sometimes why it is that healthy cats, dogs, horses, sheep, deer and so on don't need to wipe their behinds (they stay clean) and we humans usually have this need.
Are we doing something wrong?

We lack tails.

 

[rik]

There is a useful book out there, written by Kathleen Meyer, with the promising title: "How to sh... in the woods" (And it's actually quite easy to do! ).
Unfortunately, an even more useful book with the title: "How to sh.. in posh residential suburbs" has yet to be written!

Hobbit, you got my laugh and like .

 

[Barefoot TJ]

Jason has a book called Never wipe your ass with a squirrel. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1484007840

And here I thought they would be all fluffy and stuff.

 

[Barefoot TJ]

We lack tails.

My kids are going apesh!t over that video! Or hipposh!t!

 

[Spinningwoman]

I'd read that hippos do that but I'd never seen it!

 

[Hobbit]

... Never wipe your ass with a squirrel.

Even if you like Gargantua and Rabelais - please don't use a fluffy bird either!

 

[Darkand]

Jason has a book called Never wipe your ass with a squirrel. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1484007840

And here I thought they would be all fluffy and stuff.

Lol, that hippo needs to cut down the amount of fibre in it's diet!!!!

 

[Suzanneingod]

Oh my word!!! Just what I needed to make me laugh so hard I forgot that I am sick.