I'll Be Back

[Longboard]

Miss all of you.

Ran barefoot outside Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday in Ft. Myers Beach FL.

Rode bikes with my wife and kids (at least I was barefoot) Thursday to Sanibel Island.

Visited Dad Friday on the Atlantic side, and was left with no choice but to put him in our van and drive him home with us.

Since our last visit with him New Years Eve he had met a gal 51 years younger than him while grocery shopping, she fell in love with him at first sight, and he remembers nothing of the 40 something trips to the bank with her in Jan and Feb.

$76,000 vaporized. I have my hands full right now, but will be back.

Our middle son who graduated college in December found full time work in his field starting this past Monday in FL, Dad's now moved into his bedroom back here in MI.

Psyche report came back this evening: dementia, likely Alzhiemers.

Life is strange.

 

[Barefoot TJ]

I wish you and yours the

I wish you and yours the best, Board. And I will miss you, buddy. We have Alzhiemers in our family, both my uncle and aunt on my mother's side lived with it for years. It is a hard, long, lonely good-bye, as you know. If you ever want to talk, just send me an email or a PM. We don't have a hug smiley, but if we had, I would put it right here --->.

 

[khyricat]

*HUG*  my MIL has Alzheimers-

*HUG* my MIL has Alzheimers- well advanced now.. and is far past our being able to care for her in our or her own home, but it is NOT an easy thing to do.. more power to you and your family for even attempting it. We kept DMIL at her home with her husband and a paid caregiver while he worked and DH and I spelling him in the evenings and weekends until much longer than we probably should have looking back.

A number of my patients are victims of dementia and dementia related illnesses, it sounds bad that he went through that much, but I've heard even worse stories recently from family members.



Amie

 

[Smelph]

Oh man. Sorry to hear about

Oh man. Sorry to hear about your dad. Hope things work out in the end for you guys. Glad to hear your son found work though.

 

[Longboard]

You're supposed to look for

You're supposed to look for the bright side in everything.

He had spent the last 18 winters in FL, and back when he was last here I was'nt a winter public barefooter.

Neither he nor I had been out of the house since Wednesday as we were busy trying to unravel his financial matters, prepare charges against the woman, get his medications straight, and secure his other accounts.

Today I knew we had to, and with new fresh snow from last night plus cold and wind I elected to take him to a very large mall to walk him.

We ended up doing a half hour outside the mall on dry pavement in 30 degrees and sun, followed by a half hour inside plus a stop for lunch. I overate, he barely touched his food.

Aside from a few sentences, nothing was said of my bare feet in a cold and public place.

He chuckled AT the sight of people snickering about me, thinking they were the silly ones.

There's some advantages of being with someone that is easily swayed.

I'll bet more people thought I was the demented one rather than he!

 

[Barefoot TJ]

Thanks for the smile, Board.

Thanks for the smile, Board.

 

[khyricat]

I'm glad you are still

I'm glad you are still building positive memories with him despite the stressful situation.

If he doesn't eat much there are options.. he does need nutrition.. but sometimes its more of an issue eating in a strange place than eating at all.. though with DMIL there was a stage when we had to remind her to eat every bite or 2... but she would eat with the reminders... otherwise she'd hold the fork and look lost. Now she is somewhere in between again.. with encouragement at the start she generally eats as long as nothing distracts her... another issue with eating in public.

 

[Abide]

Now I have "Alway's look at

Now I have "Alway's look at the bright side of life" stuck in my head. Thanks Board!

Sorry to hear about your father being taken advantage of, that's fustrating that there are people who would do that. Looking forward to seeing you around here more!

 

[fetish4running]

My mom has pretty severe

My mom has pretty severe dementia. The plus side is that she's become very child like, which I consider a positive because she used to be a very difficult person! She is very accepting now, which is nice. There are certainly downsides, but like you said, bright sides can be found!

 

[hmduey]

Like so many have posted

Like so many have posted here, my grandmother is living with Alzheimers. It's so difficult to go visit her now and she doesn't even know who I am, although she often starts talking incessantly about her grandchildren when I'm with her. That gives me some comfort, because to me that's an indicator that somewhere in there she gets it, she just can't put it all together (and please don't burst my bubble, I know that may not be true!). My parents and aunt and uncle took care of her at home as long as they could, but when they found that she was not eating, they had to move her into a location more suited for the 24-hour care she needs.

We have found that she will fabricate the most interesting stories. We've stopped being angry about the fact that the stories aren't true (for awhile we couldn't figure out why she "lied" so much, until she was diagnosed), and now we just laugh at what she comes up with. She will tell a long, drawn-out story about something she got for Christmas, how it came from her mother, who wore it to her high school graduation or something like that.

We will definitely miss you while you're unable to drop in, but we'll all be thinking about you while you take care of your father.

 

[khyricat]

Heather- those stories may

Heather- those stories may not be fabrications, but pieces of the past coming together strangely.. sometimes they are true to the past.. and others are pieces of different tales.. DMIL often talked about her parents coming to visit, etc...

 

[Longboard]

So far I'm dealing with the

So far I'm dealing with the situation of his needs o.k., but the financial/fraud/legal chase is draining me fast.

Law enforcement is no help, they require me to really put up a fight in order to get charges pressed.

I can't believe how much I have been forced to learn in the course of a week, but at least now I have finaly learned how to create Excel spreadsheets (as required by the sheriff to even begin to take a look), can create documents, print them out, sign them and get them notarized, scan them, and get them sent out in a format they support.

Trust me, they don't support any of MS Works stuff, so the common man with basic software don't stand a chance bringing a felon to justice.

Anyone here ever realized that if funds are drained as supposed "gifts" any amounts over $13,000 per person per year are taxable to the giver unless the givee is convicted?

Neither did I.

Spending most of my day following through with all that stuff and stabilizing his meds, while he seems fairly content.

Problem is, as I well know unlike a little kid that slowly earns more and more responsibilities he will just regress slowly.

Wife and kids helping a lot, but of course the tensions are starting to develope.

If I can get in a BFRun anytime soon all will be better, at least for a few hours.

Thanks for all the support and advice, you guys are great.

 

[Barefoot TJ]

Caution.  I hate to say this,

Caution. I hate to say this, but be observant of his behavior, Board. He may start to show repetition in certain alarming behavior. For example, my aunt would turn the gas stove on and walk away. She did this repeatedly. There could have been a towel laying next to the stove. REMOVE THE KNOBS from the stove if you notice he does the same. She used to walk out of the house in her nightgown in winter with no overcoat. The police found her walking in the neighborhood next to hers. LOCK THE DOORS AT NIGHT, but be aware of other emergency exits. Just be on alert and stay one step ahead of him.

 

[Longboard]

Thanks TJ, I really have no

Thanks TJ, I really have no experience with this as I never had any grandparents or older relatives, and friend's older relatives that were afflicted were put in homes.

My patients that end up this way stop going to the dentist long before they get this bad, so I never end up seeing themin this state.

 

[khyricat]

TJ has some good points..

TJ has some good points.. also make sure there aren't car keys left where he can get to them.. the 2 worst instances pre institutionalizing DMIL were when she got her hands on keys.... And the tax thing- used to be over 10,000$, I'm actually glad they raised the amount. We had to deal with that back when I was unemployed for 9 months the last time, DH didn't make as much money and we ran up a credit card debt.. when we admitted it to family, they paid it off, but at the time my lawyer grandfather commented he was glad it was less than 10,000$ due to the tax thing.. (I think it was 5k)... this time the job I took afterwords and DH's job.. the little bit we ran up on cards we are paying off FAST.....so it's not so bad...

Her husband found a replacement stove (appliances needed replacing anyway) that took so many button presses to turn on she couldn't figure it out... and he also put an out of order sign on the microwave... and kept the doors locked with keys that weren't in them to keep her from wandering at one point...

 

[sole_foot]

Thoughts and prayers for you

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family Board. I enjoyed sharing a beer on the back patio with your Dad last summer. Hang in there!

 

[Barefoot Dama]

Oh Board, I am very sorry

Oh Board, I am very sorry about your father and the situation with the thief.

Good luck, I hope you are able to recuperate the money. My thoughts and prayers are with you and family.

 

[Longboard]

Finaly ran after 17 days off.

Finaly ran after 17 days off. Took my dad to my $16/month gym and added him on for $12/month, got him started on the recumbant bike and once I was pretty sure he'd be alright I hit the treadmill in my Feelmax Pankas.

Only did 2 miles, but I increased speed throughout finishing at a 7:30 pace for the last few minutes.

He ended up doing 25 minutes at a very low resistance and cadence, but hey, he road.

When I went to change in the tiny changing room I felt confident enough to allow him to wait in the gym.

When I came out he was gone.

Looked all over, and it turned out he was in back by the free weights doing 20lb reps!

Beats being out in the parking lot or streets I guess.

Took him to a third doc Friday, and he started a possibly dementia slowing med that night.

It will be interesting, now I'm also his personal trainer.

 

[khyricat]

sounds good.. if you can,

sounds good.. if you can, find someone else to go with you to the gym, or that is there already who can keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't wander out next time... but otherwise- sounds great.. I know DMIL walked on the treadmill and used the bike up until she really couldn't do much of anything anymore.. it was one of the last activities she seemed to really enjoy.

 

[Longboard]

I had originaly planned on

I had originaly planned on having him walk the treadmill next to me, but my wife had taken him to her club for yoga twice already, and warned me that he would end up flying off the back of the treradmill in her opinion.

On a bright note: She said his balance at yoga was better than hers!

He also participated in a folk dance group at her club, and despite not knowing any of the steps seemed to enjoy himself.

So far the plan is yoga twice a week, folk dance once, and weights & stationary bike up to three times a week w/ me, maybe a bit more while he's with my wife the nights I work late.

He used to run sprints in the senior olympics 23 years ago, at 89 it's a challange to ride 30 minutes at resistance level one on the bike.

And this is a guy who at 87 was riding a tri bike w/ 20mm slicks and aerobars! Seriously! On Metro Detroit highways!

We begged him to stop, but it took a kneecap fracture in a fall (not biking related) to finaly retire the bike.

Now we have to push him just to get him to move around a bit, but I'm guessing it's the right thing to do.