I am much better, thank you. There is definitely an advantage to having kids now old enough to both run the house and take care of me while I'm sick.
And I'm not too proud or idiotic to tell them I don't want to be a burden. We all burden each other sometimes and its good for everyone.
Yah, I can hardly wait for the kids to start helping out more. I want a dividend on my investment! Both kids are actually showing promising signs of being good helpers, they just aren't old enough to be competent, but I appreciate the effort!
Anyway, I can't believe I'm feeling draggy again. I guess I'll blow of my st workout today and just get in a quick mini-run, to keep the legs loose (and my pathetic streak alive).
As for neighbor kids, I think they fall into 2 categories at that age. There are those who respond well to a more disciplined environment, no matter how much they get away with at home. Even in this case, close supervision is key. The only times I've seen this work is if the real parent is actually supportive of others (you) being firm, and shows some significant signs of learning from observing the more confident parent.
Yah, that's the crux of the problem. The parents of the two neighbor kids our daughter plays with don't seem to see eye-to-eye with us, although nothing has ever been spoken. The parents of the girl I mentioned seem to be having a rough marriage, so I think the girl acts out her resentment here, and purposely tries to turn our daughter against our son, because she's an only child. We've never really conversed with the parents though, so it's kind of hard to get a feel for how to handle it. The father seems pretty nice, but the mother seems a bit neurotic. If I could get the father alone and bs over a couple of beers, I think I'd have a better idea of how to handle it. We could just send her home, and have done so, but I'd like to foment a more cooperative attitude with her, so that that's unnecessary. Right now her basic stance is oppositional.
The boy across the street is a real brat, and also an only child. The mother seems incapable of disciplining him and the father seems to think it's cute. Now he's going to occupational therapy after school one day a week. I don't know what for, but I would imagine it has something to do with him getting in trouble all the time at school. Our daughter and the other girl seem to be excluding him more and more and I told his mom I don't want to alternate days anymore for picking up the kids at school. It's just too much trouble to get him to put on his wraps. And, as you noted, when there's no sign of support from the parents for a more disciplinarian approach, it's hard to sanction that sort of behavior. This is such a liberal neighborhood, most people wouldn't understand. I do think a less disciplinarian approach can work when there's a lot of love and attention in the home, however, and a lot of neighbors just beyond our street seem to use this approach and have good kids, but these two nearest us seem to impede others from coming over to play. Oh well.
If the child is disrespectful, cannot seem to control their conversation or vocabulary, or can't be trusted, you just have to say "no" to them coming over, as nicely as you can.
Yah, that's basically what we've done with the boy. And he on his own no longer comes over, because he doesn't like hearing no. Our daughter still plays over there sometimes. I think the mom likes having a well-behaved girl to play with!
It is hard seeing the other kids suffer, but your first responsibility is to your kids and wife, as you well know. Your kids do need to be protected from those of bad or damaging influence; and your wife doesn't need the stress of attempting the impossible job of being mother to kids that will not respond to her as such. It can seem hard, especially at first, but the other child(ren) will move on. They and their parents will either decide to change and try again later, or they will find others of the same habits. You just don't want that to be your kids in the long run, from exposure!
Yah, for sure. I hope she can befriend some of the sweeter kids just beyond us, but I don't think that can happen as long as she's playing with the closer brats.
We've even subconsciously limited exposure to kids of people who have remained friends of ours, and over the years have seen the problems they have faced with their kids, then realized why that was such a natural choice for us.
Yep, they don't realize by avoiding confrontation at an early age, they're setting themselves up for worse ones later.
Hope that helps, though it is not the politically correct or warm fuzzy answer.
No worries, neither my wife nor I are PC. My wife is actually much more disciplinarian (almost authoritarian!) than I am, but that's her culture. African parenting is still pretty 19th century by modern American standards. But it's a lot easier there because the village or neighborhood literally does raise the kids. There isn't so much focus on the parents doing everything.
If the kid is 3 years older, then perhaps she's in school or goes to church or someplace where she isn't allowed to use naughty words? I recall that you're an anthropologist, but don't know if you're a professor or something. You could tell the kid that you're a teacher and while she is over, she has to use her school voice or church voice or guest voice or whatever. Basically, your house, your rules. You could even enact a three strikes, you're out, go home until tomorrow rule, or whatever. Once you set the rules, that will make it easier for your wife to enforce.
I agree with this approach, if it comes to that, but I'm looking to try a little behavior modification before we kick her out.
But you're right, I do have to take on a more 'father knows best' role, and help my wife navigate the cultural differences. I'm kind of in-between the liberal 'anti-disciplinarian' stance and my wife's culture's 'the parents are always right, do what they say' stance. So it's tricky. But I like your idea of licensing my approach with the school or church's model. The girl goes to Catholic school, but it'd be easier if she went to our local school, where disciplinary issues are few.