Wow....
- Thread starter Chaserwilliams
- Start date
Ha! Funny what they say about shoes.
Shoes
Shoes. Where would running be without shoes? Don't answer that. Shoes are actually unnecessary. What, you're worried about blisters, injuries, and dog shit? Puzzy. [Yes, I changed that.] While these may be valid worries now, you will find that they are actually secondary to the true purpose of the shoe. The running shoe's only purpose is to make your disgusting hammertoes sexy and shiny. Now beware -- there are different types of running shoes. You want the small, sexy flashy ones with the metal spikes.
If the sales person at the store you're at tells you you can't/shouldn't wear these except when racing on a track, leave. Just leave. They're jealous and trying to hold you back from becoming the... FASTEST RUNNER IN THE WORLD. Conversely, you could tell them that there is no such thing as running, only racing. Ignore all comments pertaining to Steve Prefontaine.
Now that you've found a store where the sales people aren't sabotaging your career, there are several things you must look out for:
Shoes
Shoes. Where would running be without shoes? Don't answer that. Shoes are actually unnecessary. What, you're worried about blisters, injuries, and dog shit? Puzzy. [Yes, I changed that.] While these may be valid worries now, you will find that they are actually secondary to the true purpose of the shoe. The running shoe's only purpose is to make your disgusting hammertoes sexy and shiny. Now beware -- there are different types of running shoes. You want the small, sexy flashy ones with the metal spikes.
If the sales person at the store you're at tells you you can't/shouldn't wear these except when racing on a track, leave. Just leave. They're jealous and trying to hold you back from becoming the... FASTEST RUNNER IN THE WORLD. Conversely, you could tell them that there is no such thing as running, only racing. Ignore all comments pertaining to Steve Prefontaine.
Now that you've found a store where the sales people aren't sabotaging your career, there are several things you must look out for:
- price - the more expensive the better.
- neon colours - the brighter, the better. Must clash.
- metallic - gold only. Nothing else will do!
- custom - if you're really badass, and are really serious about being the the FASTEST RUNNER IN THE WORLD you would never set foot in a stupid shoe store with stupid washed out runners selling you their bitter losses - you would go and get a custom shoe done which epic-ly supersedes all available shoes on the market AND has your name on it!
Thanks for introducing me to the uncyclopedia. I read the entry about the hammer and laughed so hard I was crying and couldn't read any more. My wife thinks I'm totally nuts. I'm not surprised, though. She didn't like Chaser's post about Whitney Houston either. I guess there's no accounting for taste.......
Yo Olle, I'm sure you know that this part is true:
His father, Alois Hitler, (born Schicklgruber), (1837–1903)
If only they'd kept the original family name, things may well have turned out differently!
"Heil Schicklgruber"...lacks a punch, you know?
I doubt it given the German tendency to string words together. I think they'd have been able to pull it off. Still, it sure lacks a bit of punch.
BTW, us Swedes are almost as good at stringing words together as well. In middle school me and a bunch of friends tried to create the longest word possible that still made sense, we gave up at around 50 letters IIRC.
BTW, us Swedes are almost as good at stringing words together as well. In middle school me and a bunch of friends tried to create the longest word possible that still made sense, we gave up at around 50 letters IIRC.
You could have tried this word and extended it:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
