Urgent - Nathaniel Wolfe

Discussion in 'The Barefoot Pub' started by jldeleon, Nov 26, 2014.

  1. jldeleon

    jldeleon Barefooters
    1. Oregon
    2. California...
    3. Washington

    Apr 9, 2011
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    For those of you who know Nathaniel Wolfe, but have not been up to date on his life, he has suffered a severe blow and is in need of help. Here is is story and at the end is a link to his gofundme page.

    Last Saturday I was the happiest I remember being as an adult.

    I was walking about full of love for those I love, and deeply feeling loved by them. I was thinking about the farm, how everything was in place for spring season and full maturity of the Wolfestead herd and with our new tribe members, I had just told Melanie that things were about to become all the things we had dreamed and talked about for so long. I thought we shared a vision of life. I had day dreams on that walk of a place where our people would live, work, laugh, play, create. It was a magical afternoon. The glow of it lasted a while. I thought about how hard both of us had been working and that finally we'd see the full course of our efforts manifest.

    I have a universe in my mind. I refer to it as the Nativerse on FB often. I create stories and music and images out of that place. It is the place I believe magic exists. I love that place. In it is a brilliant Sun shining down upon my soul, and mirrored by a field of dandylions. In the winter time blues I regularly experience, it is a place of great comfort to my mind. In times of stress, I rest there and figure out best course of action.

    Melanie is my Sun. Melanie is my Dandelion. Those were both names I called her. We have many names for each other.

    She had been expressing unhappiness at work for a while, it's one reason I started the publishing aspect of my life plans about 2 years earlier than planned. I figured if something took off that way she could have more choices, including a choice to not continue working outside of the farm if that's what she wanted. I had apologized to her that Chuck's book hadn't sold as much as I expected it to, but thought the autobiography might sell better, meanwhile keep trucking along on the sustainability paradigm and tribal living we concocted together. She smiled and kissed me and said "It's ok, you are a great writer and something will stick. I have faith in you." That was just a couple weeks ago.

    I love her so much. She's always believed in me. But I love her for more than that, for so much more. I've talked so much about her to all of you, face to face, via other blog posts, and other creative things I've done. She is an amazing woman. We've been through a lot of shit together. We were mettled. I was writing a blog post on the concept of "the crucible". It's a concept I believe in, the idea that you test everything, and what remains is real. I apply this to much of what I do, mostly to myself in mental, emotional, intellectual, and physical endeavors. Tough life stuff, tough relationship stuffs, I've always believed could be distilled and made stronger through conflict and resolution through honest and open communication. I was going to use my successful and happy 20 year relationship to prove my point.

    On Tuesday morning, the anniversary of Mel and I cohabitation, which we had decided to honor over a long weekend together coming up since we were both in a schedule conflict that night, she sent me a text saying she was looking very forward to seeing me. I told her how much I missed her and couldn't wait to have her in my arms.

    Five hours later she sent me a break up text. Changed her phone number (I found out the new one and sent her frantic texts which she did not answer, and voice mails she did not answer) and refused to speak or contact me at all. Our adult son's phone number was also changed. Wednesday morning I found out that our bank account had been emptied the friday before. Her clothes are gone. I found out she retained a lawyer.

    Other than that, I know nothing except she won't communicate with me. I'm told I should get a lawyer to protect myself from the person I love and trust the most in the universe.

    I've been going over this in my mind and I don't understand any of it. I don't understand any thing. Not only did I think our relationship was loving and honest, so did the people we live with, so did all of our mutual friends who've seen us together. I thought we could talk about anything.

    My sun blew up. My field of dandelions has been scorched. I have nothing. I know nothing. My mind is sundered, my heart tattered, and I have no vision. Everything I was doing was a dream I thought I shared, a dream of love, and happiness, and hard work. I thought I was making her happy.

    I am wracked with pain. My universe has no light.


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