Damn, my mind controll device
Damn, my mind controll device must be acting up a little but today...
Ok guys and lesser sexes, heres the deal. When I discovered Talon, he was still a youngling by his species standard. I would reveal the name of his species, but due to the sheer intensity involved with doing such the intergalactic alliance won't allow it for the safety of more primative beings, such as humans.
He was abandoned by his creators, thought of as a "failure", but I knew better. I set him in a small space craft that I had designed, although I never got a patent and now that rat bastard Steve owns the rights to it, and sent him off to live life else where.
The first few inhabitable planets he spent time on eventually destroyed themselves out of spite. Oh sure, a few of them just collapsed in on themselves much like a turd in a microwave, but for the most part they simply could not stand the thought of something such as Talon living on their surfaces and after realizing that they couldnt rid themselves of him, they committed suicide...
I was starting to think that maybe I had done the wrong thing. Maybe my brain was malfunctioning and I had miscalculated Talons monthly cycles, maybe the fact that the night before I had lost a game of Scrabble for the first time in my life. Could the 12 pack of expired Dr Pepper I had drank for breakfast been to blame? Maybe. All I knew is that this nightmare had to come to an end, and soon.
So I did what any self loathing sociopath would have done. I sent him to this planet. Surely he could make things on planet "Earth"any worse than they already were, right?
WRONG! Just look at this mess! I'm pretty sure that mother nature gave up a few years ago. Since the introduction of Talon into earths atmosphere things have gone down hill.
Heres a small list of things that have transpired since that ever so fatefull day...
-hippies and woodstock
-lunar landing (all falsified btw)
-mullets (the hair, not the fish)
-domesticated cats
-the Snuggie
-Dan Rather and the evening news
-Huey Lewis and the news
-Jersey shore
-global warming
-assassination of Abraham Lincoln
-Carrot Top
-Obama
And many other horrendous events thought his short existence. He even made the Egyptians built massive statues in his likeness, then year them down and use the material to build things such as the pyramid, the Rocky mountains, and all the islands of Hawaii.
I apologize for the inconvience.
