I'm being blamed for what my daughter did :(

triing

Barefooters
Nov 29, 2011
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During a fitness evaluation at school my 13 year old daughter decided to take her shoes off and run the requisite mile against her teacher's wishes. When the teacher told her that her fitness qualifies her to be rewarded (a handful of students get to go to a minor league baseball game) but she won't be allowed because of her insolence she apparently said - okay, whatever.

My wife is livid and blaming me for the whole thing, when my wife is clearly responsible for the "okay, whatever" part :confused: . The funny thing is that my daughter has bitched and moaned every time I've dragged her out to run barefoot (again, my wife's contribution).

I'm supposed to call the gym teacher and try to mollify him. Any advice?
 
Give her a pat on her back for standing up for what she felt was right. (running barefoot) I would contact the teacher as to why she was not rewarded for her effort, and if there was a written rule saying that footware had to be worn. If it was based on a personal level than that could thought of as a form of discrimination (against barefoot runners).
 
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I think you should go to the school dressed like your avatar picture and demand justice. Let us know how it goes.
 
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Personally, I would go to the teacher and teach them about barefoot running and the health benefits from doing it. Then I would demand to see the rule about no shoes. Then when no rule is produced I would go to the principal and higher if need be. This person may have her own phobias but she has no right to try to instill this into your child.
 
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I think you can re-craft the message to you wife. You guys are raising a self-confident, self-guided young woman that doesn't over-react to trivial rules or the trivial ways they are enforced. Thank your wife for her contribution, and tell her how proud you are of her for it, how much you love seeing her in your daughter. Good for you guys!

Send the gym teacher an email with a link to Dr. Mark Cucuzzella's video on YouTube and tell him that you and your daughter run this way, and that while you understand the rule and its consequences, that you are not unhappy with your daughter's decision, but will ask her to abide by school rules and take it easy so she doesn't get hurt in shoes. ;)

And, by the way, your daughter is now a full-fledged convert. Again, good for you guys!

Personally, I wouldn't confront them about the rules. This is a good message for your daughter. Sometimes there are stupid rules. Sometimes they have to be followed. But sometimes, they don't. :)

I'm really cheered by your story and happy for your daughter.

During a fitness evaluation at school my 13 year old daughter decided to take her shoes off and run the requisite mile against her teacher's wishes. When the teacher told her that her fitness qualifies her to be rewarded (a handful of students get to go to a minor league baseball game) but she won't be allowed because of her insolence she apparently said - okay, whatever.

My wife is livid and blaming me for the whole thing, when my wife is clearly responsible for the "okay, whatever" part :confused: . The funny thing is that my daughter has bitched and moaned every time I've dragged her out to run barefoot (again, my wife's contribution).

I'm supposed to call the gym teacher and try to mollify him. Any advice?
 
Wow! Well phrased BFGburg! Great advice on multiple fronts!
BTW, I know it never ever helps to say so to the one over reacting, but your wife might think about toning it down a bit. I don't think this issue qualifies for a "livid" response. Those should be saved for situations involving doctors, lawyers, police or any combination thereof.
Give your Daughter big praises though, certainly!
 
I'm with GBurg! In 20 years how will your daughter look back at the event and how you handled it? I think this is more important than the event itself (but yay for her taking a stand).
 
I would reward her as well.

Perfect responses, all!
 
Your daughter is awesome! Good for her!

Arent we always in trouble with our wives? ;) seriously though, my position would be "she (daughter) doesn't care, why should we as parents"? If she wants to go anyway, I'd say take her out of school and to the game yourself as a reward for kicking ass!
 
I have another viewpoint to consider, which may be less popular:

Have you heard the phrases "Don't rock the boat" & "Pick your battles"? In my experience teachers are stubborn and definitely do not like to be proven wrong by their students. This gym teacher is unlikely to stand up in front of their entire class and apologise for punishing your daughter and admit that they were in the wrong and their student was in the right. In fact, unlikely is an understatement. With that in mind, persisting to disobey them will only result in more punishment for your daughter. This could lead to detention and suspension if she chooses to let it. Since it's only a mile and it wouldn't kill the most hardcore BFer here to run a mile in shoes, would it not be better to tell your daughter to just suck it up and comply for the sake of making her life easy and keeping a teacher on her side (useful, trust me!)?

I'm also surprised that I'm the first person to bring this up on a board with such a heavy military presence. Aren't you guys taught to follow orders from your superiors even if you disagree with them? I don't see any army guys completely basic training BF because you'd end up scrubbing the toilets with your toothbrush (you can blame Hollywood if this is not factually correct).
 
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Since it's only a mile and it wouldn't kill the most hardcore BFer here to run a mile in shoes, would it not be better to tell your daughter to just suck it up and comply for the sake of making her life easy and keeping a teacher on her side (useful, trust me!)?
We Americans founded our Nation by standing up for our beliefs. Why stop now and just go with the flow? Whys should we stop trying to educate people about the barefoot lifestyle? Why did black (African Americans) or gay (not sure politically correct term) people stand up for themselves? We are the same as that, only with barefeet instead of race or sexual preference or religion. Why do people stand up to oppression? It's because oppression of any kind is wrong.
 
While I agree in principle, I'm not sure BFers can be validly compared to the struggles of black people, homosexuals or women... If barefoot folk weren't allowed to vote or marry, I'd make my voice heard, but we're not talking about that. We're talking about an ignorant control freak with no real-world power. We're talking about having to do what 99% of the world's population do without any issue, harm or disgruntlement. Let them carry on with their own uneducated lives and proceed with yours (within which they will be absent shortly).

Surely you have all had to 'manage' a boss/superior who you disagreed with in the past...?
 
My voice from the other side...gym teacher is pretty low on the food chain. If she (the daughter) is going to take a stand, a gym teacher is not likely to have the gumption or the political weight to care to make any sort of stink. This is a tea cup issue, and she seems to have balance the risks and consequences pretty well.
 
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It could have been that the gym teacher did not want a student get injured while under his supervision. Does your daughter have minimalist shoes? You could tell the teacher that your daughter will wear some type of shoe that she agrees with. It would help smooth things over. She still has to deal with the coach, much like we deal with our bosses and coworkers. It's a teachable moment where one persons philosophy goes up against authority. How far can one go, and how do you work together afterwards.
 
I think you're viewing this all wrong: You're not being blamed for what your daughter did, you're getting credit for what you're daughter did. See? Isn't that better?

As for the baseball, you could always spring the $25 or so for a pair of tickets to see the Thunder...
 
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I did finally talk to the guy last night and told him he was justified in docking the points for my daughter not listening to him. However, I did mention that my kids and I do run barefoot and that my daughter recently read a book, Born to Run, that dedicates a chapter on the benefits of barefoot running. (I omitted the fact that I kinda forced her to read the book as an alternative to going running in the morning. She's not an early person. Another of my wife's contibutions). I told my daughter that in life she needs to follow instructions issued by people in charge even if she doesn't agree with them completely, as long as those instructions have some quality (a term I picked up from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance :) ). In her case, her teacher's instructions were meant to protect her based on the knowledge her teacher had at the time.

barefoot ramzev, lol, that would've been appropriate.

dutchie53, NickW, I didn't want to burn bridges.

BGBurg, Self-confidence and self-guidance are good as long as they don't lead to arrogance and delinquency. This was a challenging life lesson for her... and for me too :) I was reluctant to teach the gym teacher about barefoot running. He seems quite set in his ways. But I let him know that we are a family that encourage running barefoot.

JosephTree, I understand that the gym teacher is fairly irrelevant, but I'm sure at some level he understands that too. He felt undermined and decided to make it an issue. I didn't want to escalate it.

Andy, Good advice, Thanks.

BFG, TJ, RunningPirate, Smelph, I'm a proud Dad :). I'll have to treat her to something.

Garrett, I'll have to get her some trail gloves.

Thank you all for your responses. If it takes a village to raise a child, this is quite the town :)
 
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