My poor friends :(

Blog entry posted by Barefootconservative, Oct 27, 2017.

Not that long ago, my two closest friends had some very mortifying things happen to them.

My friends' names are Bartolomeo and Giovanni (Bart and Gianni), and they're exactly my same age. We are like brothers, so that's how close we are.

Let's start with Bart:
It was his 18th birthday, and we were about a month away from graduating high school. Bart was on his P.E. class that morning, and they were playing dodgeball (he played barefoot, of course), and there were these two brothers who were the school bullies. Well, Bart whipped them in dodgeball, and they were not happy losing to someone a lot less athletic than them. So everyone went to shower after gym class, and just as Bart finished up, he was walking to the locker room, when he was stopped by the bullies, and they each took one of his arms, lifted him, took his towel, and threw him back out into the open gym, where we were just about to have an assembly. So my orchestra class got out a little early, so I thought I'd head to the gym and get us some good seats. Well, I walked in only to find poor Bart naked, desperateldesperately trying to figure out what to do. I startled him so bad when I said his name. Out of courtesy, I removed my glasses so I wouldn't be able to see him, then asked what the hell happened? Before he could answer, the bell rang, and that's when I told him to try and make it back around to the locker room entrance (which was at the other end of the gym). BIG mistake, because he only for halfway across the floor before the bleachers started to fill. There was eruption of laughter. I could tell that he was mortified (I put my glasses back on), and when the reality set in that I had failed to protect him, failed miserably, I felt like I was going to lose my lunch (or, I guess, breakfast). The principal said he'd shut up the crowd, but I was the one who got poor Bart into this mess, I had to get him out. After I was done yelling at the audience, they didn't think it was funny anymore. The principal told everyone to go back to class. After the gym was cleared, Bart just sat down and cried. Poor thing. Seeing as we are like brothers, it was my obligation to be there to comfort him. At the end of the day, the perpetrators were arrested, so we won in the end.

Giovanni, what happened to him was probably worse.
Giovanni is a very shy boy. To get him past that, we (Bart and I)got him the lead in a play, and the lead had a song to sing. And Giovanni has a voice like Pavarotti. So he sings damn good. That's how we got him the part, the drama director trusts my musical instincts. So I worked intensively with Giovanni on the song, and he was ready to go by shownight. Bart and I also had minor roles in the play, as the lead character's friends. How fitting. Anyway, we didn't go on for a few acts, so we were going to sit in the audience and cheer him on. Now it was close to show time. The audience was packed full. Giovanni was back stage getting into costume, when the guy who got beat for the role decided to get revenge. He nabbed Giovanni just before he could put on his costume, and pushed Giovanni out on the stage, completely naked, with a full audience and the spotlight was on. Bart and I had just discussed something really funny, and were laughing hysterically, then we heard a roar of laughter behind us. That's when I looked up to the stage, only to find my poor brother standing naked and mortified on stage, in front of a HUGE audience. He was so scared he couldn't move, and was breathing very heavily. Bart and I knew we had to do something. So we ran up on stage, and told that audience what's what. They didn't think it was funny after we were done speaking. So I took Giovanni back stage while Bart said a few more things, and Giovanni just sat down and cried. For him, that robbed him of all his confidence. Bart came back stage to join me in being there for our poor brother. We thought we ought to go home with him, because he'd probably need his brothers. Good thing we did. It took us forever to get him to sleep, and when we did, we were so tired we just crashed right where we were, on either side of the bed. When we woke up, we were still so tired when we went down for breakfast. Bart actually fell asleep in his cereal. That was funny. Now with a lot of pep talking, and saying we'd be on stage with him the entire time to make sure nothing could happen, he reluctantly agreed to try again that night. To be extra sure he had enough confidence, especially when he had to sing, Bart and I made complete asses of ourselves on stage. I came out for the first scene, went to sit in the chair, but made sure I missed it, with a glass of water that splashed me. Then Bart said, "HA! Loser." Then fell back in his chair while taking a drink of water that spilled all over him. S little later, I scooted back in my chair and fell off the stage. That was just before the song, so it worked, because Giovanni did great.

Long before either of them, I had my own mortifying experience. I was 14, and it was Christmas break. Our families had the bright idea to take everyone up to a ski lodge for Christmas break. Well, seeing as the three of us are not good skiers, we wondered what we'd do the whole time we were there. Well, we got there the night before the incident, and the morning it happened, the three of us were out walking around, just chatting. That's when we noticed a little wolf puppy wandering around. It's also when I noticed a huge boulder about to squash the poor thing. Being the avid animal lover I am, I lunged forward to save the puppy's life. Should have planned it more carefully, because I started slidi g down the slope, while Bart and Giovanni were yelling after me. I slid over very sharp rocks, which tore up my clothes, and tore up my shoes, even peeled the soles off of them. Don't worry, I kept the puppy well above the ground so he wouldn't get scarred. Shortly after, we flew right off a cliff, where I held on right to the puppy, and landed right on my butt on a rock. Ouch! I couldn't sit up after that, nor could I move. The puppy ran way from me, but stopped soon after realizing I was my following. Smart animals, wolves are, he came back to see what was wrong. Of course i don't know why he came back, but I'm just kind of putting two and two together, I saved his life, he had to repay me somehow. Anyway, he say on top of me while i just laid there for what must have been several hours, while I was bleeding out, and getting frostbite. Finally, I thought I heard Bart's voice calling my name. I just thought I was losing it. But then I saw him, Giovanni, my family, and a rescue team quickly approaching. Basically, they all thought I might be dead (which, a few days later, I came pretty close to), and then my mom said I'd get to the hospital soon. All I could think was, "oh, god!" Anyway, i talked them into letting me take the puppy with me to the hospital. When we got there, since I had the frostbite, they had to strip me completely so I could be thawed (which, by the way, feels like being burned alive). After that was done, it turned out they forgot to get me a bed cover, and i wasn't allowed to wear anything, due to the sensitive skin due to prolonged exposure the extreme cold. That's when my family had the bright idea to pay me a visit. Great timing, huh? Anyway, I couldn't move a muscle, i was too weak, so i had no ability to cover up. Finally, after what felt like forever, the doctor came in and ushered everyone out (except Bart and Giovanni, who i specifically said could stay, since we've been like brothers since very early on, and they wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable). So there wrte a couple more bad timings by my family, and later on after it turned out i didn't die (it was predicted i wouldn't make it through the fifth night) we managed to get the puppy back with its pack, and then I just had to take it very easy for a while.

These are our very mortifying life events.
Barefootconservative

About the Author

A summertime barefooter from North Idaho who has asperger's syndrome, and helps take care of his grandmother with Alzheimer's. Also dresses rather sharply when barefoot season ends. Also a violinist.